心情很重....

心里真的很想念她... 忘不了她... 不知道该怎样办... 很想大声的跟她说"我喜欢你, 可以当我女朋友吗?" 这句话... 看起来是个很简单的话但是并不是... 因为, 说了这个话可能会影响到她的心情... 所以,我不说.. 只好自己一个人的在受苦... 希望我能承受这个苦吧..  心里只能希望她每天快乐的在笑和祝福她人也找到她自己的幸福...

心很难受...

我的心和脑海里一直得想着她... 不知道该怎样办.... 人真的很辛苦.. 很想知道她在忙什么... 为什么我会变成这样呢? 人真的很不正常... 很想把这个心情放下... 但是很难做到... 希望我能做到吧... 我不想伤害到她的心.. 也不想弄到她不开心...

睡不着...

很累... 很想睡... 但是, 我睡不着... 心一直在想她... 不知道怎样才能完全忘了她... 心真的很苦很痛... 为什么我会爱上她呢? 我真的不明白... 应该坦白的告诉她我喜欢她吗? 她人都不理我了... 心真的很烦... 不知道怎样办... 爱情真的很烦的事.......

慢慢得忘和放弃她...

今天, 我跟我的好朋友的女朋友第一次聊天... 聊了聊就聊到我喜欢的那个女孩... 我觉得我朋友的女朋友讲的话是对的.... 我应该慢慢的忘了她吧... 不然, 我只会伤害到我的心而已... 她既然不想回答我的信息了... 我看我也没必要再找她了吧... 只好努力的把她当成以为普通的朋友而已... 心里慢慢的把她放下吧... 我也不回去找她了... 她想劈开我还是她自己是真的在忙她的东西... 我也不想在知道了... 因为, 当她有事情需要帮忙的时候, 她才会想起我... 这个令我感觉到她在利用我而已... 对... 有时她会很关心的我... 但是, 有时她一点都不睬我... 就算是朋友, 也要告诉人一声她不想人吵她...而,不是一声什么都没说就不理人家...真的不知道她的心里在想什么... 有时,我很想打个电话问她是不是在逃避我.. 但是, 我觉得不用吧... 我又不是她的男朋友...只是一个朋友... 

应该只是一个朋友而已吧...

怎样给她信息, 她也不理我.. 不知道怎样办... 想打给她问他有什么问题吗... 但是,我没有那么勇气去做... 我不知道在她眼里是一个好朋友或者普通朋友或者是一个道具??? 我其实跟她有什么关系呢? 假如是朋友,她就不应该超越过朋友的关系和关心... 我已经尽量不要爱上她了.. 但是, 我也做不到... 心里一直的在想她.. 很辛苦.. 很难把她忘了和放下... 很想跟她不只是一个当当是朋友而已... 很想她成为我的女朋友... 但是, 这只是我一个梦想而已吧... 不可能会实现的梦想... haiz....

该忘了她吗?

我心在想,我改不该忘了她呢? 对,我心很喜欢她, 很想她当我的女朋友...但是,她人好像对我没兴趣... msn她,sms 她 或者skype 她, 她都不理我... 朋友讲我想太多了... 我真的想太多了吗? 还是,这是她的性格? 我不知道.. 我真的不知道...

跟我的朋友讲这件事情... 他们有些对我说, 我应该忘了她吧, 因为世界还有其他的女子... 不值得花我的时间在她的身上...而, 有些说等多一下才决定假如你真心的喜欢她的话... 但是,我不知道要怎样去做... 心里很乱.. 想不通... 不知道该怎样办... 谁能告诉我啊???

Sigh..

Is being a day i didn't chat with her.. Trying to get her off my mind... Yet it seem like I becoming more into her.. Miss her a lot.. Yet cannot do anything.... Wondering what is she doing now.... Well.. I can't do anything also if she does not want to chat with me even I message her or anything... I begin to wondering is she the one for me?  or is there still have others in the big ocean... Maybe I should let her go? But my friends told me.. Don't let her go yet.. Just wait and see what gonna happen.. I guess I wait and see what gonna happen...

Why fell in love?

Why I will fell in love?  I never thought of felling in love with any person but yet I fell in love with this particular girl who give me a lot of problems.  She not as pretty as other people, her attitude are not that good too compare to other girl that I met so far.  Yet, why she able to make my heart beat so fast... I doesn't know what to do or how to get rid of this feeling towards her... I feels like an idiot that I fell in love with her.. There are many thousands or millions of girls out there yet I fells for this particular girl... She doesn't really reply to my message or care about my feelings or even understand me... We was suppose to be just a best friend.. Yet is it me or her that cross the line between this friendship line?  Why did it had to be like this? I keep quiet on my feeling towards her because I do not want to lost a friend like her as she is a good friend of mine.

 But now, I don't know what should I do? Who are able to tell me or guide me out of this miserable... Someone please help me... I feels really useless now...  I wanna tell her that I had fell in love with her.. but yet I unable to do it.. First, she may still in a relationship or that she only threat me as a close friend/brother and she doesn't have any feeling towards me.  Second, she may already have a person that she has like also... I don't wanna hurt her heart.. but I am now feels very suffering... I wish to quickly get over this feeling of mine and move on as i am not able to do anything at all now...... Sigh....

Confuse.....

I got a friend that threat me really well that till advicing me in changing my attitude.. However, I doesn't understand her why she willing go as far as a friend to advice me? Is she want to be more than just friend? I doesn't know.. Even I message her in text, msn, or even fb chats, she just ignore me... I does not know what she have in her mind... It just making me confuse.. Sigh...

Wondering....

I begin to wonder myself or doubt on myself on proving to my parent... Why they cannot support me on what I want to do? They always said I cannot... This lack of support from my parent is really suffer... Anyway, I still not sure what kind of job that I want to look into... I got my dream job... but my mom keep discourage me in pursuit it... I not sure how... God please guide me in for a job that satisfy me this is only what I want and give me courage for continue my life....

A New Beginning for Every Ending

My study life is just ended on yesterday when I saw my result...  Yes, I do feels happy for a little moment but it is only for awhile. I do not know why I would feel sad... I sure be happy because I got a great result and also getting First Class Honour in my degree... Yet I'm not that happy.. Deep down in my heart I feels sad and wanted to cry out loud.  But I'm unable to do it.

Study Life is ended and a new working life is awaiting ahead of me for me to take the challenge and success in it also.  But I do not have the strength to face it.  What should I do now? How am I going to get the strength to overcome it? I do not know. During my school time, it is my HOP and lecturers as well as my friends that support me that pull me from the dark tunnel that I fell into it.. But now? I wonder who will be the one who will do it for the sake of myself? I do not know that. But I do know one thing everything will be fine.

At here I also wanted to express my gratitude towards my friends and lecturers that support me when I need it the most.  The one I really owed my gratitude to is Ms Yee.  She is the best lecturer that I ever had that I will never forget on her.  She the reason that I am able to finish my study today.  I remember the first time when I enter degree and wanted to give up on it because I am not able to perform well, I was cried in front of her.  That moment changed me.. From then onwards, I slowly learn from her how to be a happy person... She always listen to me and be there for me when I needed someone the most.. Thus, she more like a sister to me comparing to a lecturer or a head of programme.  Mr Eric is also another person that I owed to him as I always submit late for his assignments and projects.  He had never scold me but give me encouragement for me in chasing my dream and become a better person.  So does Ms Leow.  I owe them way too much until I do not know how to repay them. Other than them, I also like to thanks to my dear friend Ying Ying though currently she is the one I am avoiding with but if that time she didn't help me realize something I wouldn't be able to success.  I will always remember this friend who always cause trouble to me in her study and always misunderstood me.... I glad that I meet her... I pray that she will become a successful person in the future and more mature compare to me.

There are too many friends that I would like to thank to such as Kikky, QinLe, KeeYap, John, Mandy and others which the lists will goes on and on.  I could only said Thank You and hope you all will be success in your dreams.

Final Year Project & Misc...

Final Year Project.... Final Year Project... Final Year Project.... Since the beginning of this semester, I lost myself and begin trying to score As in my two subjects that I taking in this Final Semester.  However, that is not the case, I do not care about the grades that I get in my semester but rather the experiences that I obtain during the progress of learning.  Still got left 7 days to go... I wonder will I able to finish it on time? In my opinion maybe YES or maybe NO... but till the very end I will not give up....

Also, I received two small gifts from my lecturer cause I help her in her crucial moments.  Yet, usually I never expect people to repay me for what I helping them... But she give me two small gifts as a token of appreciates for my help towards her.  This make me very happy... Maybe because it make me feels that helping people still is worthy in this selfish generation as recently I feels that people begin not to appreciate my help~~

My friends Mandy and Usman the exchange students from Bradford return to UK for almost a week already... And I beginning to miss them >"< A bit sad and regret that I was not able to hang out with them for when they came to Malaysia... Was hoping to bring them around Malaysia but then too busy with my own works... When they do come to Malaysia for a trip or something, I definitely will bring them around to see Malaysia... Well.. I hope to see them both soon!!

P/S: Mandy if you do reading my post, I wishes you that you enjoying yourself in your home and good luck in your new semester in one month time!!! All the best to you and dont forget us at Malaysia ^^|||

A gift for my friend

Today I give a necklace to my friend... It is the first time I bought a gift for someone... and lucky she like >.<!! anyway, today i was lecturing her on something and yet she still able to laugh == well i guess i just need to be adapt to her weird personality....

Purposeless Life

Ever feel when you suddenly feel your life is purposeless? Suddenly, you feel nothing in this world or that you you care less on this world and you just want to disappear? Well, I been to that situation since Monday.  Without any reasons I feel myself lost in this world... Without any purpose/goals/meaning in my life.  Luckily, I able to stand up again or else my Project would not be able to finish on time >.<|| Thank goodness!!! Starting tomorrow, I will be forcing myself 100 Percent concentrate on my Project no more slacking around...

Also, I don't know what happen to me.  When I talk to a friend of mine, I just feeling anger towards her... Sigh.. Both of us also becoming more distant than usual.. Don't know what will happen between us also.. Well, I don't care least if she didn't consider me as my friend anymore  as I can't force anyone to be friend with us.  I guess something is best to be let go.....

Big Brother

Suddenly, I feel that I like a "Big Brother" to almost all my friend.  When they all encounter problem, first person is me and when some of them got personal problem and like to have a talk with people, they would find me first.  Well, I don't think myself as a "Big Brother".  I wonder am I really is a "Big Brother" to my friends?

About this Blog

Hi, this blog will be my personal blog on my life and the people that I met as well as about them.  I not a blogger but this is to serve as a way to release my depression and frustration that I have being experience throughout my life.